You are a Red Neck if...
-  You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
-  The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
-  You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
-  Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
-  Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
-  You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
-  You clean your fingernails with a stick.
-  You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
-  Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
-  You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
-  You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
-  There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
-  You ever got too drunk to fish.
-  You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
-  Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
-  The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
-  Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-  You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
-  You prefer car keys to a Q-Tips.
-  You've ever financed a tattoo.
-  The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
-  You've ever bought a used hat.
-  You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
-  You're considered an expert on worm beds.
-  You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
-  Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
-  "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.
-  You learned to drive in a monster truck.
-  You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
-  Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
-  You believe books are bad luck.
-  You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
-  You believe all-star wrestling.
-  You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
-  You think a "thesaurus" was a THE biggest dinosaur.