Jody's Garage - Dumbass Patrol

Police: Dealers Report Stolen Marijuana To Authorities

POSTED: 10:45 am EST December 4, 2004

CALLAWAY, Fla. -- Help, police, someone stole my pot!

A Panhandle couple is under arrest after notifying police Thursday that their quarter-pound stash of marijuana was stolen and that they needed the weed back, because they were going to later sell it.

"They're America's dumbest criminals," said Lt. Ricky Ramie, head of the Bay County Sheriff's Office narcotics task force.

Deputies arrested 18-year-old John Douglas Sheetz and 17-year-old Misty Ann Holmes and charged the duo with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia.

According to the police report, the couple returned to the home they share and found the home broken into and a quarter-pound of marijuana missing. They immediately called authorities to report the break-in and theft.

Police said the couple told them they were going to resell the marijuana and allowed the detectives to search the apartment. Investigators discovered several marijuana stems among other drug paraphernalia during the search, The News Herald in Panama City reported for Saturday editions.

They were taken to the Bay County Jail and are each being held on $17,500 bond.

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Alice Regina Pike, a 35-year-old Georgia woman actually just tried to pass a $1 million bill at Wal-mart. According to police records, Pike was attempting to pay for $1671.55 in merchandise, but a Wal-Mart clerk called over her manager when she was handed the bogus bill (instead of handing over $998,328.45 in change). Pike was arrested for forgery. Pike, who told cops that her husband was a coin collector and had given her the $1 million bill, was found to have two more phony seven-figure notes in her purse.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS

1) IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had
a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer
were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
This one was from Kingman, KS.
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2) IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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3) IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my
knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why
we ask." It happened in Birmingham, Alabama.
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4) IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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5) IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who
was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented
cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was
spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer in the headlights
stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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6) IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no
less.
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7) IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the
Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

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